Koalababies Up The Avenue
Rating: R
Fandom: FFTL, FOB, EDM, Homestuck
Ships: Sonny/Everyone, Dedmus Wubrat/Karkat Vantas
Warnings: mpreg, underage, crack
“PETER!!!” sonny screamed in painfully.
“IT’S OK SONNY JUST HOLD MY HAND” pete screamed back
“woooaaaoaoooaah” sang patrick stump who was the midwife
CG: …WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’RE STARTING AT THE END OF THE STORY? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW NARRATIVES EVEN WORK, YOU ILLITERATE FUCKWAFFLE?
DM: 5ee if you can fucking tell it any better.
CG: MAYBE I WILL, SHITCRAM.
DM: by all mean5.
It all began in 1988, when a beautiful baby boy fell from the sky into the lap of one Mrs. Moore. His name was SKRILLEX, and he was a legend yet untold.
DM: why the fuck are we 5tarting thi5 far back? do YOU know anything about narrative5?
CG: I’M READING THE TROLL WIKIPEDIA PAGE SO EVERYONE KNOWS THIS IS A SKRILLIEN STORY!
DM: 5krillien? what are you, 5ome kind of faccot?
CG: AND WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF PANSY WHO’S TOO AFRAID TO GET BANNED FROM TWITCH AGAIN?
DM: oh, 5uck my bonebulge you fucking bitch…
AC: :33 < OMG!!!! *ac pounces on deadmouse-kun* do i smell… pitchflirting? BOY TOUCHING?!?!
CG: NEPETA GET THE FUCK OUT, WE’RE TRYING TO TELL A STORY!
AC: :33 < ohhhh is this about the time skrillex got purregnant?
DM: ye5. and we all 5aw him give birth from hi5 vagina.
AC: :33 < *ac SQU33s* i love mpreg!!!! can i help?
DM: 5ure, maybe you know 5omething about narrative5.
CG: OH, UP YOURS, WUBRAT.
ok!!! so it allll started on one hot sexy summer day on warped tour 2005 when skrillex was only 17 years old and also back then he was called sonny and not skrillex. he was derping derpily making sick fires in the back of the from first to last tour bus and being transgender and a capricorn while the other first to lasts were at the bbq.
“got your heart racin to the beat… soul and body in ecstasy…” he wubbed sadly into his laptop.
but then SUDDENLY… the most BEAUTIFUL stallion crossed the parking lot… im talking the biggest hunka hunka awooga at warped tour… the premier manslut of chicago with the most populous harem of faggots… PETER LEWIS KINGSTON WENTZ III.
“oh, be still my beating heart!!!” sonny gasped, blushing! this was it… he was the one! sonny’s heart went DOKI DOKI~ and he BLURSHED. nervily he walked up to pete wentz sama with his anime knees knocking to gether and shaking tremblingly.
“p-p-p-peepee senpai…” sonny moaned
“hey kouhai…” pete smirked semely. “you’re such a kawaii underage jailbait shota. let’s copulate immediately.”
CG: HE WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT.
AC: :33 < no he like so totally would!!!
DM: no human being on earth would 5ay that.
AC: :33 < well its my story and i can write pete ooc if i want okay!!!!!
DM: that’5 5o fucking cringe…
CG: YEAH. I’M GOING TO PUT YOU IN MY CRINGE COMPILATION, RIGHT NEXT TO DEDMUS’S SHITTY MUSIC.
DM: oh it i5 5o on you fucker…
CG: THROW YOUR FUCKING DUKES UP.
DM: my duke5 are in the fucking 5ky right now.
AC: :33 < *ac fangirling*
so then, pete and sonny went to the fall out boy tourbus and then they fucked a lot. and then, they fucked some more. they even fucked in joe’s bunk and joe was like IT’S SO JOEVER and disintegrated into dust and they put the dust into a buttplug. then, they did it some more, with the buttplug that had joe’s ashes, and then
DM: we get it, they had 5ex. can we get to the part where i 5how up?
AC: :33 < ughhh FINE
so then when thye stopped having sex finally it was 2010. but in that time, sonny had aged BACKWAYS. he was only 12 years old. pete thought that made him even HOTTER though! pete had made skrillex summarily HIS BITCH. but then… a DEMONIC SERPECT named TOMMY LEE BASS FROM MOTLEY CRUE was like “i am going to rewrite the history of electronic music” and interduced him to a DASHING prince, the heir to a VAST KINGDOM of WUBWUBS and BASS DROPS…
dedmus wubrat.
DM: it’5 not really a va5t kingdom… it’5 just a record label. and i’m not an heir, i own it.
AC: :33 < ac demands SILENCE purring her DRAMATIC STORYTELLING!!!
CG: OH PLEASE, WE ALL WISH DEDMUS WOULD SHUT UP. THANK GOD HE HANDED HIS TWITTER OVER TO HIS PR TEAM!
DM: at lea5t i have someone beside5 my5elf to argue with for hour5 on end, bitchface.
AC: :33 < ummmmm okay!
it was yaoi at first sight… skrilly stared wide-eyed and enraptured up at the tall handsome troll.
“dedmus…” skrill cried out in ecstasy “you’re so hot and your wubs are like a mating call!!!!!! i am in heat and we must consummate our love… right here, right now, on the dance floor!”
“skrilex…” dedmus gasped… “nobody has ever said those words to me before… you are so hot…. let’s”
so then they fucked a lot too, and pete had no idea because he wasnt at the party because he was having gay sex with travis mccoy.
CG: WHO HASN’T HAD GAY SEX WITH TRAVIS MCCOY ANYWAY? I MEAN, PETE FUCKED HIM, I FUCKED HIM, MIKEY WAY FUCKED HIM. HE PROBABLY EVEN FUCKED TROLL WILL SMITH FOR ALL WE KNOW.
AC: :33 < shut up
but then…
“pete are you phone”
“yea baby whats up”
“i… i have something to tel you…”
“yes baby of course i love you forever anything baby sriratcha bean”
“i……………….. im pagnet.”
“WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
pete raced to the hotspitale. dr damve md was there.
“hello sir”
“MY TRANSGER BOYFRIEND IS PERGENT!”
“ok you need to calm down like a guy that is really high.” dve saif “right this way”
pete follows dave to the hospitpal room
but then….. dedmus was there
“baby who is this maN” said peter
“he… he is dedmus wubrat…”
“hi im dedmus wubrat” said dedmus wubrat and shook petes hand “i’m like basically the pete wentz of edm.”
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BOYFRIED PARGENT ROOM!”
“im his boyfriend now dipshit” dedmus explained smirkin. “i own his tight little shota ass.”
“what” pete gasped “baby explain”
“its true…” sonny said looking sadly “you aren’t the father pete…”
“I AM THE FOTHER!” dedmus chortled evilly
“actualy…” sonny said… “neither of you are the fither….”
“WHAT!” dedmus ejaculated.
“then who is!?!” pete sputtered
SUDDENLIES the door bursted open.
“i came as soon as i heard!”
“angelica?”
“ALL THE WAY FROM LONDON?”
“actually i am bobby duque you dumb hamilshits.” bobby said and came to skrillex’s bedside “i have beenwas marry’d too skrillox for 20 years, dickehed.
“what!!!!” pete and dedmus gasped simultarneously. then pete said “but youre brothers!”
“yes… we are brothers by chance…. lovers by choice….” bobby said
“OH FUCK BOBBY-KUN THE BABY IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!” skrillex yelled and then partick the midwife came in and sonny gave BIRTH
AND
THE
BABY
WAS
YOU!
AC: :33 < ok guys how did i do!!
AC: :33 < …guys?
CG: NEPETA I THINK I’M PREGNANT.