Jan. 14, 2013: Right On Time

“Come here, Skrilly-Skrilly-Skrilly~ Mau5ey wants to play a game~”

Sonny’s breathing felt like the loudest thing in the world as he hid underneath the studio keyboard, hoping Joel wouldn’t see him. Just the sound of his voice sent vivid shockwaves of pain through Sonny’s temples, like the thumping bass at a show. Something was wrong about the man Sonny loved. He was possessed, or something. Joel would never willingly hurt him, right?

Thud, thud, thud . The footsteps grew closer. His mismatched shoes were visible now from where Sonny hid. As quietly as possible, Sonny brought a hand over his mouth to muffle the sounds of his breathing. 

Joel stalked to one side of the room, then the other. He was wearing the mau5head Sonny had designed, but something about it felt sinister. Like it was mocking Sonny, mocking the love he had once had for his husband.

The sound of a baby crying suddenly filled the room.

Sonny looked down, horrified to see a crying, screaming baby in his lap. He looked back up, dread creeping up his spine. Cold, blank, white eyes stared back from across the room, directly into his soul.

Sonny awoke with a start. The first thing he felt upon waking was the feeling of bile rising in his throat, much too familiar. Instinctively, Sonny leaned over the side of the bed to puke into the trashcan kept there for this very occasion, body shivering as he moved. It burned as it came up, acrid and visceral.

Groaning, Sonny wiped his mouth and grabbed his glasses off the bedside table so he could read the clock on the nightstand. 2 AM. He took a sip from his glass of water and then got back under the bedsheets, shuffling his way back into his husband’s arms. 

Not that they felt as safe or as comforting as they once did, but they were decently warm, and Sonny would take any warmth he could get with these fever chills. 

As he laid there, trying to will himself back into a restless sleep, he realized- something felt… different. Off.

In the pit of his belly, he felt a certain weight that was never there before. Reaching down and running a hand across the area, he noticed it was incredibly warm. He felt something squirm when he pressed down a little.

This was it, he realized. 

He wasn’t sure if he was ecstatic or devastated, but all the same he wanted to cry.

Eyes wide, Sonny turned over to place a hand on Joel’s shoulder. He shook him lightly, and when he didn’t wake up, a little harder. Eventually, Joel moved to brush Sonny’s hand off him.

“Joel. Wake up.”

“Muuuuh.”

“God, now I’m going to have two children to put up with.”

That sure as shit woke Joel up. 

Joel’s eyes shot open wide as he looked up at Sonny in the darkness. He sat up just a bit. 

“It- it happened?”

“I… I think,” Sonny muttered. He took Joel’s hand in his and brought it to his stomach, pressing down a little until he could feel it, too.

“Woah, that’s weird,” Joel mumbled, pressing harder. Sonny pulled Joel’s hand away at that.

“Yeah, it‘s almost like I’m an alien,” Sonny grumbled, laying back down and shuffling into Joel’s arms again. “You got what you wanted. Aren’t you happy?”

“Of course I’m happy, baby…”

“I just thought you’d start jumping around and go wake up my parents.”

“It can wait for the morning,” Joel chuckled, squeezing Sonny closer until his head rested against his chest. “Unless you want me to.”

“No.”

“Then I won’t.” Joel leaned down to kiss Sonny’s forehead. “What about you? Aren’t you glad I saved your life? And now we’ll get to be a perfect little family. And I bet our baby will grow up to be the best musician ever if they’re anything like their mom.”

Sonny knew Joel couldn’t see it in the darkness, but he still gave Joel a certain look . He didn’t feel like arguing right now, but he wasn’t a fucking mother, and would not be a fucking mother, because he was a fucking man. And… was he glad to be alive? Sonny didn’t know anymore. He’d already been feeling like a ghost these past few months, anyway. It was hard to remember he was a living person by now.

“Go to sleep, Joel,” he eventually said, closing his eyes.

There were a lot of things you could say about Mrs. Moore, but being a bad cook was not one of them. Her cooking was good enough to single-handedly get a household of five up before 9, and that was a miracle. Sonny and Joel sat at the dining room in the kitchen, playing footsie under the table while Sonny’s sister Katie packed her lunch before leaving for work, and Mr. Moore read the morning paper. 

Okay, well, Joel was trying to play footsie, and Sonny was trying to ignore his pounding headache. Average morning in the Moore household, if not on the cheery side from Joel.

“Honey, you’re not gonna believe this,” Mr. Moore called, looking up from his paper. “Now they’re thinking of givin’ guns to school janitors!”

“Isn’t handling active shooter scenarios a little bit above their pay grade?” Mrs. Moore scoffed as she turned over a blueberry pancake. “Ridiculous. They’ll do anything to stop another Sandy Hook except ban guns.” 

“They like to keep me busy, I guess,” Katie muttered from where she stood at the island counter, zipping her lunchbox and grabbing it. “Alright, I’m leaving.”

Joel had let his feet come to a still, and he was starting to get twitchy, so this was as good an opportunity as any for Sonny to quickly change the subject and call out, “Wait! I need to tell you something first before you leave.”

Katie stopped midway out the door, turning back to look at Sonny. “Ugh, make it quick.”

Sonny squirmed a little under pressure. Both his mom and dad were staring at him now…

“I’m- I’m pregnant.”

Katie blinked once, twice, and then said, “Okay, see you when I get home. Love ya!” 

She was out the door pretty damn fast. Sonny wondered for a moment why, but a quick glance at the clock showed she had 15 minutes to be there. And, yeah, it probably could have waited until she got home… but at least he’d averted a three-way argument about gun control. He couldn’t take the shouting. On the other hand, though, his parents looked like lions about to pounce on him for more information.

“That’s great, honey!” Mrs. Moore called as she plated the pancakes. She brought the plates over to the table- one for Joel, one for Mr. Moore, then doubled back to grab hers, and Sonny’s. It had Mickey ears. God, she never got the memo that he grew up, and he was so fucking appreciative of it. She sat down next to Mr. Moore and smiled. “How did you find out? Surely human pregnancy tests wouldn’t work for you.”

“I just got… this feeling. I don’t know how to describe it, it’s like…” Sonny shifted, looking over to Joel almost helplessly. “It’s like, this… weight, in my stomach.”

“And then he woke me up at 2 AM to feel his belly and it was, like, squirmy,” Joel added. “And super warm. It was weird. I kind of thought something was gonna bust out of him. Like in Alien.”

“Ugh, I hate that movie,” Sonny remarked.

“We watched it when he was eight and he had nightmares for weeks, ” Mr. Moore explained, laughter in his voice.

“That’s not why I hate it.”

“Anyway,” Joel interrupted. “I guess his bio-dad was right that he’d just know, which is pretty convenient. If you wanna feel it, go ahead!”

Sonny’s mom didn’t ask any further questions- or to his own annoyance, even ask Sonny- before reaching over to place a hand on Sonny’s stomach. Her eyebrows shot up. “Oh, wow.”

“Right? It’s like an eel or something in there.”

“I would hope it’s not an eel or I’d have a lot of questions for you,” Sonny sassed, pushing his mother’s hand away and crossing his arms. Joel chuckled lightly, opting to completely ignore Sonny’s body language. 

“How long until you’re gonna know the gender?” Mr. Moore cut in, looking up from his plate.

“I… uh, I don’t know…” Sonny shrugged, arms dropping back to the table. He looked down at his completely uneaten pancakes. “I don’t know why it matters, anyway.”

“It doesn't,” Mrs. Moore added, smiling. “But every parent hopes for one or the other, whether they admit it or not.”

Sonny shuffled awkwardly. He wasn’t really hoping to have a baby in the first place. It was just something he’d resigned himself to, that he would have to one day. 

“I guess… if it’s a girl, it won’t have to go through this .”

“I hope it’s a boy!” Joel announced, pushing his empty plate away and leaning back in his chair, seeming plenty-self satisfied to have owned up to this supposed ‘secret desire’. 

“You don’t need to say that so loud. Why?” Sonny asked, looking over. He couldn’t imagine really caring beyond the practical reality of the situation.

Joel waved vaguely. “”Cause then we won’t have to be buying girly My Little Pony bullshit. Or tampons.”

“Right…” Sonny sighed and got up, having to lean on the table for a good few seconds to steady himself. “I’m going to my room. I’m gonna call Hubbard and see when I can come in.”