Feb. 14, 2014: choleric-mau5.blogspot.com
So maybe the world didn’t end in 2012 for anyone but me.
a year ago today the doctor told us sonny had two weeks left to live. we already saw it coming for a while, but it was worse hearing it out loud from a doctor. kind of feels like its been longer than that. and what the hell do i have to say about it? what can i say that isn’t going to be picked apart by every fucking celebrity news outlet on the planet? i’ll keep my mourning to myself, thanks. don’t need my misery on TMZ next to paris hilton’s tits. all that sappy shit is locked away deep in my heart and far, far away from the internet. god fucking knows how you all reacted when the news broke he was dead. If i had a dollar for every crackpot on the internet who’s accused me of poisoning my own fucking husband in the past year, i could probably comfortably retire. so thanks for that. glad to hear you don’t know what its like to lose the love of your life and your unborn child in the same month. i hope you never have to know. really. it hurts.
anyway, who cares about my sad mopey angsty bullshit right? emo is dead… haha. that’s not funny. whatever- where have i been? am i releasing any new singles soon? whens the next album? i heard he’s gonna collab with gerard again and/or they’re fucking now because every faggot spends his free time just buttfucking other faggots, i saw them at a restaurant together in LA. (thanks whoever took that fucking creepshot by the way. i hadn’t stepped outside in a week if you’re wondering why i look like shit.)
Good news. i made a song for you fuckers. bad news. it’s about the husband i definitely killed.
it’s called sonny’s song. go listen to it. it’s on itunes.
i want you all to know how it felt to be with him while he was still around, and that’s what i made the song thinking of.
he made me feel almost at peace with myself, sometimes. Calm. like somehow i wasn’t a fucking tornado wrecking myself and everyone around me. like i could change for the better so i could be someone he deserved. like i could pick up all the pieces of myself that were broken and dented and hammer them back into place and make something half as beautiful as him.
i couldn’t, but that's my damn problem.
happy valentines day. Go hold the people you love while you still can.