Everything Before

The roar of the crowd was deafening, thousands of people cheering and clapping as the next song of Sonny’s set began. It was his brand new song, First of the Year, already a fan favorite. Joel watched from sidestage, mau5head in hands and just out of sight, as his boyfriend of a year mixed, reaching across his setup to fiddle with knobs and sliders. There was little magic in it anymore with Joel having done it himself for ages, but Sonny did it so beautifully, effortlessly. The way he held his cigarette in one hand, resting atop his laptop trackpad, and mixed with the other. The way the stage lights highlighted the rim of his glasses and the gentle curve of his nose. Fuck, he was gorgeous. Joel never knew quite how to express it, how to really show his feelings, but every day he was with Sonny he felt lucky. Like Sonny’s love was a gift bestowed upon him that he desperately needed, craved, but never quite deserved or knew what to do with.

The vocals quieted, leaving only the beat and piano melody. Joel took a deep breath and put on his mau5head. It was now or never, he’d put it off long enough.

Joel crossed the stage, making his way to Sonny and trying to shake off the feeling of eyes watching his every move, the cheers to his very presence. It was almost ironic how badly he hated having an audience when he chose to do it now of all times, but it was never about the spectacle in his mind. It was in homage to the first thing he and Sonny had truly bonded over- a shared love of electronic music. Of Sonny’s music. A reminder of that first day they met when Joel had come home and stuck that USB of Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites into his laptop and thought, this kid’s going somewhere.

As Joel approached, Sonny merely glanced toward him, offering a smile and nod as he kept doing what he was doing. Never pulled away from his work. That was fine, eased the nerves a little. Gave Joel time to reach for the box in his back pocket while the synth bass kicked in.

As the vocals returned and the mix built to the drop, just before that satisfying payoff, Joel reached across Sonny to pause the music. Sonny turned to give Joel a quizzical look, giving way to wide eyes as Joel dropped to one knee and presented the ring.

Joel could hardly make out the words he said over the cheering and hollering of the crowd, but Sonny’s face washed over with elated surprise.

Sonny’s mind was racing a thousand different directions in that moment, going from finally, the moment I’ve dreamed of to I’m not ready to there’s so much I still haven’t told him to wait, shit, i look like an idiot just standing here to it would ruin the moment if I said no, right? 

So Sonny said yes, and to his credit it wasn’t like he didn’t want to marry Joel. He would have found someone else by now if he wasn’t certain he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Joel. His only real reservation was… well, he had some things he should have probably told Joel sooner.

Still, Sonny said yes. Not himself, though- shit, he still had to finish his set. He held up one finger and went back to his equipment, cutting out the iconic sample and replacing it:

Yes, oh my god!

As the bass dropped and the rest of the track played out, Joel got up and slipped the ring onto Sonny’s finger. Sonny pulled Joel’s mau5head off him and set it down over his workspace, so he could grab Joel by the shoulders and kiss his lips, hard and heavy and passionate. Joel’s arms snaked around Sonny’s waist as they kissed, and for just this one moment, Joel didn’t care who was watching him, who knew that he was gay, who could judge him. Sonny was all his. And fuck, that felt great. Adrenaline rushed through his veins as his lips slid against Sonny’s, moving to the beat of his music.

The show went on without incident- Sonny decided to change up the setlist on the fly, replacing Kill Everybody with All I Ask of You, but it wasn’t eventful until they got to their hotel room that night and, well, continued to express their love for each other.

In the present, though, it continued to nag at Sonny, the ring on his finger beginning to feel like an insurmountable weight upon his shoulders as he mindlessly scratched Meowingtons’ ears. He sat by a window in the Toronto apartment he and Joel shared, watching the snow fall as his fiancé's cat laid loafing on his belly, purring contently. He wished he could be so at ease, really, but it felt impossible. He wasn’t sure how to break the news to Joel that, well, everything he knew about him had been a lie. That Sonny wasn’t truly from this world at all, that he wasn’t the man Joel fell in love with. And through all that, Joel needed to still love him enough to commit to starting a family with him, or he would die. He would die slowly, painfully, and there was nothing Joel could do to stop it but to love him throughout. 

How do you tell someone all that?

Sonny was pulled from his thoughts when Meowingtons began to happily knead at the soft flesh of his stomach through his shirt. Sonny would have put up with it, but Meowingtons was pressing just a little too hard in the wrong spot, and nobody had been home to trim his claws in a bit, so it kinda fucking hurt. 

“I know, Meowingtons,” Sonny sighed, picking the cat up and putting him on the floor, then trying not to feel bad when he stared at him all hurt. He frowned a little. .“I’ll tell him eventually. I just… need to figure out what to say.”